Rising from the Ashes: sneek peak
by TW-addict
Summary: Kayla opens up to Stiles about her self destructive thoughts and how she thinks about ending it all by killing herself. "-I just want to feel normal" / He lifted their intertwined hands, kissing her knuckles, "and I will help you with that Kaylz, every damn day" / "R-Really?" / "Really" he vowed, "I'm not going anywhere" - sneek peak for book four, warnings: suicide/rape mention.


**Disclaimer: teen wolf is not mine - anywayyyyyy I know I'm bad but here's another wee teaser for book four - rising from the ashes - enjoy.**

"Yeah..." She whispered, because that question was the only thing she knew for sure how to answer, even if it was rather shamefully, "I... I do"

Stiles sucked in a sharp breath, trying to remain neutral, to not show his shock or surprise incase it made her close off from him, but she could see his distress as clear as day and hated making him feel that.

But it was the honest answer to his question of 'do you want to kill yourself?' She didn't have the energy or creativity to lie.

"Do you think you would... You would ever..." He couldn't get the words out, sticking in the back of his throat and she just shrugged in response, the water sloshing about in the bathtub as she pulled her knees to her chest, hugging them to her body.

"Ever kill myself?" And he flinched, biting on his bottom lip as he watched her, "I don't know. Maybe. Some days are... Are um..." She frowned, trying to pry the word free from her brain as it stuck, "uh... Bad days" it wasn't what she was wanting to say because bad didn't even cover a sliver of what she felt, but it would have to do, "I'm sorry"

"It's okay" he reassured gently, reaching out over the lip of the bath to stroke her wet hair, kneeling on the floor as he watched over her, "you have nothing to be sorry for"

She started tearing up, her under eyes turning red, "I'm making you w-worry. I didn't m-mean to. I'm sorry"

"Kaylz... You can talk to me about anything" he whispered, "even this, okay? I'm all ears and I will never judge you - ever" his hand drifted down to stroke her spine, sending her a small smile, "have you thought about how?"

She wiped at her eyes quickly but nodded, "not an overdose. Or jumping" she said, "hanging - or drowning" she continued, "I don't know why I just... Uh... It would just..." She paused, trying to find the right words, "...feel right I guess"

He cast his eyes downward to the bathtub filled with water and she just pursed her lips, "you knew all this already though. About how I want to die. That's why you watch over me in the bath. Or stay over - in case I do anything"

He sighed, "I know you're struggling Kaylz, I just want to keep you safe"

She reached out for his hand, intertwining their fingers so they skimmed just below the waters edge, "if I was determined enough to end it all, I would. Nothing would stop me. But I... I want to try and get better" she admitted, "I don't want to feel like slitting my wrists ever time I see a knife... Or feel tempted to step in front of a car on the street. I just want to feel normal"

He lifted their intertwined hands, kissing her knuckles, "and I will help you with that Kaylz, every damn day"

"R-Really?"

"Really" he vowed, "I'm not going anywhere"

She had so many issues, too many to count, but he never wavered in his resolve and she admired that so much - his strength, his courage... She would spend an eternity making it up to him.

She smiled lightly, glancing down at the bubbly water and for a second, did think how easy it would be to just slip down and let the water engulf her lungs but Stiles' presence chased that negativity away, even if it did constantly play in the back of her mind.

"Is um... Is the trial making this worse?"

She stopped breathing for a second, the pit of her stomach dropping at the reminder of the rape trial and how, despite her uncertainty, she would have to stand up in front of all those people and defend herself, relive the worst moment of her life only to be humiliated and doubted, people mocking her behind her back.

She would have to be brave and tell the court what happened, but how could she when she couldn't even think about it without feeling sick?

"It um... I... Maybe" she settled on saying, "but I would still feel this way even without it"

"What they did... The courts will believe you. They'll have to" he nodded determinedly, "and if you really can't go up there and give your evidence, that's fine too. Don't force yourself. No one will be mad at you"

She didn't know about that - if she didn't, and they did it again, she would feel like it was her fault for not getting them locked up, for getting scared and running.

"I just... I don't know how I'm going to... To um... To say it" because, even now, she hadn't breathed another word of what had happened, even to Stiles. All they knew was she was attacked. They didn't know the details. They didn't know for how long. They didn't know what they did. And now, if she kept her little courage and stood up there and talked about it, all her friends would know. They would relive her ordeal with her, and she didn't know if she could cope with that.

"With our support. _My_ support" he whispered, "I've got your back. Always"

She teared up a little, "but I... I don't even know how to talk to you about it. It scares me"

"I promise Kaylz, you can talk to me about anything" he said gently, "Whatever you're feeling, tell me okay? But only in your own time" He added, "don't force yourself, because that just makes everything worse"

"I'll try not to" she nodded her head, "I'll keep fighting"

His lips quirked, leaning over the edge of the bath to kiss the side of her head, "that's my girl. I love you"

She sensed his certainty and emotion, still staying strong despite her having told him she was actively suicidal, but if anyone could help her though this, it would be Stiles.

"I love you too"

She just hoped her days kept getting better, that the anxiety and constant dread wore off because she honest to god wasn't sure how much longer she could keep fighting, forcing her demons away. She didn't want to reach breaking point where she saw no other option but to end it all, but she had a feeling it would happen sooner or later.

Sooner being more accurate.

 **A/N) seeeeeee stiles is a caring boyfriend in the future lol ha hope you enjoyed this wee snippet smd please please review and i will update ashes to ashes in a few days if I get more reviews jaja see you soon x**


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